I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
