I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
