oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
