She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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