It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
