I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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