so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
