he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
