i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
