literally had 100 drinks last night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize