I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
