I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I still have a little drunk in my system
this is an emotional support booty call
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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