I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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