3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
