1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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