Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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