I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
