What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
