Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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