giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize