then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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