erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
