Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
