So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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