he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
