bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
