and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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