maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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