I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I supernannyed him into submission
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
