Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
40s are totally the cure
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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