I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
