So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
