I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
