he puts the penis in happiness.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
