Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The uberlube is also flammable
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
