yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just cropdusted the office
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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