My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize