...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
