I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize