I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
