i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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