i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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