At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
