You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
