is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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