I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
