Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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