Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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