Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
