Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
