My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
