shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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