I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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