I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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