He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
