I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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