I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
