So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize