Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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