well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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