Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
