Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
