I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
