Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
