I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you traded sex for a burrito?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
