Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
