This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
