a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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