remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
