"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
